DDIY 37 - Isaac Assimov's I, Robutt

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What if it was the future? What if there were flying cars, Terminators that looked like cougars, aliens hiding among us named Herman Being, and a robot in every house programmed to touch butts? Well this week we talk about all of that, except the flying cars. We'll show you how to let people know you want to hang out with them later, establish you are not crazy and are actually Herman Melville, and how to act drunk. You know, things you need to know how to do because you are TOTALLY a human and not an alien and/or robot programmed to touch butts.

Wikihows Covered

How to Let People Know You Want to Hang Out With Them in the Future

http://www.wikihow.com/Let-People-Know-You-Want-to-Hang-out-With-Them-in-the-Future

How to Act Drunk

http://www.wikihow.com/Act-Drunk

Requested from @nictschubsen:  How to convince people you’re not a crazy person when it’s been established that you’re a crazy person

DDIY 36 - InDDIYpendence Day

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Happy fourth of July! This week we are doing a show on the good ole' US of A! We talk about the most offensive Taz tattoo, ask NASA to hold our beer and talk about how Jesus made the Grand Canyon. Also we finally move the Rocky movies into the Marvel universe with super heroine Annette Gunn, the flagpole dancer that shoots t-shirt cannon nets who is also Tommy Gunn's daughter. Also we share more awful confessions. 

Wikihows Covered

How To Go All out on Patriotic Day (x2!)

http://www.wikihow.com/Go-All-out-on-Patriotic-Day

How To Be a Freedom Girl

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Freedom-Girl

Requested from @nichtschubsen : How to brainwash yourself into or out of something to make your life less miserable.

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. NASA, hold my beer

DDIY 35 - Prenuptial Eagle!

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Wikihows:

How to smoke a cigarette in Paris. How to ask your parents about puberty. How to decide who gets the pet in a divorce.

Discussed: 

Curly wig condoms, smoking baguettes, french in a southern accent, bilingual kissing sister-brothers, Elvira and condoms, puberty supplies, Prenuptial Eagle, divorce clause claws, Bar King the drunk dog, cholo eagle.

Wikihows Covered

How to smoke a cigarette in Paris

http://www.wikihow.com/Smoke-a-Cigarette-in-Paris

How to ask your parents about puberty

http://www.wikihow.com/Ask-Parents-About-Puberty

How to decide who gets the pet in a divorce

http://www.wikihow.com/Decide-Who-Gets-the-Pet-in-a-Divorce

Get your own Book of Runes!

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. 1-800-EAGLE

DDIY 34 (w/ Michael Alm) - Consult the Runes, Ghostfucker

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This week we are joined by the amazingly talented artist Michael Alm (http://www.michaelalm.com/) , so of course we squander his knowledge and talk to him exclusively about ghosts and the paranormal. Instead of a Wikihow, Michael brings in runes which we use to solve some wikihows. The runes apparently want Mike gay and pregnant, and for us to bang the ghosts out of homes for fun and profit. This might be my favorite episode. 

Wikihows Covered

How to Resolve a Poltergeist

http://www.wikihow.com/Resolve-a-Poltergeist

How to Avoid Encounters with Ghosts and the Paranormal (Runic Edition)

http://www.wikihow.com/Avoid-Encounters-With-Ghosts-and-the-Paranormal

How to Get a Ghost Out of Your House (Runic Edition)

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Ghost-out-of-Your-House

Get your own Book of Runes!

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. I imagine Ghostfuckers.com is taken, but I'm scared to check.

DDIY 33 - Real Doll Police Party

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Cops and parties don’t mix. So how do you stop the fuzz from breaking up your recreation of House Party? Easy, pretend it was ghosts. Or cats. Or that you are having a Real Doll party for one. Or just leave and never look back. We talk about this, how to cope with commercials (also, dear police, we promise if Flo dies this week that it wasn’t Mike) and finally how to convince your girlfriend that you are the sweetest guy she’s ever known. Well, Mike and Zac do. Clay tips his hand once more that he’s kind of the worst. This, plus we talk about Multiplicity.

WikiHows:

How to Deal with the Police When They Come to Your Door at a Party

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-the-Police-when-They-Come-to-Your-Door-at-a-Party

How to Cope with Commercials

http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-Commercials

How to Convince Your Girlfriend That You Are the Sweetest Guy She's Ever Known

http://www.wikihow.com/Convince-Your-Girlfriend-That-You-Are-the-Sweetest-Guy-She's-Ever-Known

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. Beware the Mad Ad-der.

DDIY 32 - Geriatric Panopticon

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Today we actually give our most actionable advice. For instance, the best way to insult someone you are going to fight? Read their Facebook statuses out loud. Best way to have a horse? Don't, just work for Horse Minutes. Do you know how many HMPG (Horse Minutes Per Gallon) you get? We have a very convoluted mathematical solution for you that involves worm seconds and dog years. Want to make sure your grandma is ok? Send her to the Panopticon Retirement Home and rest easy that there are always eyes on her. Always.

WikiHows:

How to Trash Talk

http://www.wikihow.com/Trash-Talk

How to Buy a Horse

http://www.wikihow.com/Buy-a-Horse

How to Spy on Neighbors

http://www.wikihow.com/Spy-on-Neighbors

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. Chandra's nightmare is a horse with boobs.

DDIY 31 - Smoochosaurus Rex

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How to Kiss Your Crush Out of the Blue. How to Stop A Wedding. How To Wrap a Cat. All of these are addressed in this episode. Normally, we take notes while editing so we can have a funny little blurb. Clay's notes for editing on this episode are "im drunk this episode is good". If that's not enough to entice you, we also say all of the following things about our beloved in an effort to convince them that they should leave their betrothed:

(You have) supple breasts and a soft behind. (You have) supple breasts and a fine behind. (I desire) supple breasts and that sweet booty. (You have) supple breasts and a sweet backside.

WikiHows:

How to Kiss Your Crush Out of the Blue

http://www.wikihow.com/Kiss-Your-Crush-out-of-the-Blue

How to Stop a Wedding

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-a-Wedding

How to Wrap a Cat

http://www.wikihow.com/Wrap-a-Cat

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. You have supple breasts and a sweet booty.

DDIY 30 - It's Hard to Put a Thong on a Tree

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Episode 30 contains our least actionable advice for the average person. But maybe you're not the average person. Maybe you want to be a part-time banker, part-time lumberjack. Maybe all the kids at school keep stoning you, Old Testament style, and you need a defensive plan. Or maybe you want to cut down on funeral expenses by being eaten by fire ants. We're not gonna judge. Unless you have a philosophy degree. Or haven't seen Fern Gully. 

WikiHows:

How to Become a Banker/Lumberjack

(I think Wikihow got a hand of this one and removed it)

How to Survive a Stoning at School

http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-a-Stoning-at-School

How to Reduce Funeral Expenses

http://www.wikihow.com/Reduce-Funeral-Expenses

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. Website for our bullet bank coming soon.

DDIY 29 - Shark on Skateboards

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Sorry we were busy catching rays and didn't put out an episode last week. We made you this mixtape of wikihows. There's all the old classics. How to fight a shark in air, land, sea and fire. Most of the answers are "stab it". How to get a cat to like you (drugs). If you listen closely, you can hear where a car almost slams into the room we are recording in, which is apparently full of things Mike has licked. And finally, how to be merry every day but Christmas, where we teach you how to lose friends, alienate people, and be declared a sex offender for sneaking into children's rooms and telling them Vietnam stories. We're not very good at instructions, but we are good at mixtapes.

WikiHows:

How to Kill a Shark

http://www.wikihow.com/Kill-a-Shark

How to Get a Cat to Like You

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-a-Cat-to-Like-You

How to Be Merry Every Day Until Christmas

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-%22Merry%22-Every-Day-Until-Christmas

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. It's the Spotify playlist of our hearts.

DDIY 28 (w/@Scott_Losse) - Bear School

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This week we're joined by comedian Scott Losse (@Scott_Losse) to talk about bears, loneliness and strategically hiding bras around your apartment so your girlfriend will break up with you. We figure out how to end the war in the Middle East (hint: it involves bears on bears), how to deal with your sadness with paper lanterns, cameras and streams and finally the strangest SAT question that has ever been asked.

WikiHows:

How to Build a Bear School

http://www.wikihow.com/Have-a-Build-a-Bear-School

How to Be Lonely But Still Have Fun

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Lonely%2C-but-Still-Have-Fun

How to Find Out If Your Girlfriend is Checking Your Bedroom

http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Out-if-Your-Girlfriend-Is-Checking-Your-Bedroom

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is. 

DDIY 27 - Letting the cat (blood) out of the bag

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This week we talk about cat murder, a lot. If you aren't a fan of that, we're so sorry. We also talk about how to catch a hamster, Julia Child,  Easter, drugs, the Great Depression, salsa dinner, popcorn beds, how to get fat arms, and Clay makes a horrible hamburger confession. But mostly cat murder. Sorry cats.

WikiHows:

How to Catch a Hamster

http://www.wikihow.com/Catch-a-Hamster

How to Apply Lessons Learned from the Great Depression

http://www.wikihow.com/Apply-Lessons-Learned-from-the-Great-Depression

How to Get Big Arms

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Big-Arms

DDIY 26 - Dumpster Party

DIRECT DOWNLOAD

Just what is "Trashcore?" How do I spice up kissing? How do I annoy the shit of my girlfriend? Have those questions really been bothering you? Well don't you worry, because we got you covered. By the end of this you'll have your clothes roulette list all typed up, you'll be itching for a second Alien-style mouth made for smooching, and you'll be checking everyone's genital heat. When the cops ask, don't tell them you got that last one from us. Please.

WikiHows:

How to Be Trashcore

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Trashcore

How to Act Silly With Your Girlfriend

http://www.wikihow.com/Act-Silly-with-Your-Girlfriend

How to Spice Up Kissing

http://www.wikihow.com/Spice-up-Kissing

Got a suggested how-to? Send it our way!

Movie Game:  Not this week!

Stitcher Link?: Gotcha

iTunes Link?  Yessir

Need Our RSS feed? Here it is.